a new joke for the “awesome” stand up

"I’ll kill you bro! I’ll kill you! And then I’ll mourn you

I’ll mourn the shit out of you bro!”

Note: this is barely a joke, the audience is mostly responding to the interplay between the words mourn and shit. I predict that within ten years this format will stop working, but don’t worry, a new boring technique will fill the hole in our hearts

I believe an imp injected me with many farts… That are now being expelled

I follow an aesthetic blog with occasional anti feminist rants that I silently disagree with

Pucker up New York

A very insecure man, but then, who wouldn’t be when your best idea for a video is “The song happy is annoying”

A search for “fappy pharrell parody” yields fruitful results

Time for a little of my patented Naming and Shaming

Today I will be naming and shaming the international corporation, Coca Cola.

You’ve fucked with the names on the cokes, I was at Tesco earlier tonight, I was hard pressed to find one that wasn’t Bestie or Love. I had to discard at least ten cokes before I selected a Robbie. I’m very disappointed.

Coca Cola, thou art named!

Coca Cola, thou are shamed!

this joke took us on a journey

someday someone will recognise my genius, and I will be named Most Important Blogger of the Fiscal Year

phonetap:

You know what our band full of white people needs? Some more tribal chants. I’ll be singing about a break up tho

now i’m gonna wail out on the old electric guitar

whilst ignoring the voice in my head saying that there is no possible arrangement of sounds that hasn’t been done better before

My arse hurts. I’ve been riding too hard. My bike that is. No more cycling to the gay sex club

pulling the rabit out of the hat represents me breaking in your backdoor, over and over again. almost as if it were a uh…. hmm. can’t think of an analogy right now but you understand what i’m getting at.

you’re getting at anal sex and my ears are very open…amongst other things

birdluvr1993:

masculinity is so funny to me bc men deprive themselves of the best things in life in order to achieve it like ….fuzzy socks, fun fruity pink drinks, spa days, lifetime movies,  expressing positive feelings in a healthy way, being a warm genuine person

Lifting makes up for all of this

(via officialweblog)

I am not a magician, I am a hacker of reality. This wand is my keyboard, this top hat my screen, this rabbit a malicious program now running on your server

I have found myself in the same part of the world, with no house, no wife and no large automobile

Let nothing become you. Let yourself become nothing. Let nothing be nothing. Chimboko.

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